catching back up

sometimes i get wrapped up in the most silliest subjects and focus on one part of my life that i forget that i am a person with multple situations going on... new friendships are blossoming and i feel good about this one, school is closing down on finals and the stress in building yet i am still finding time to write down daily nonsense while i should be on an oak desk with a brightly lit lamp is about me doing chapter reviews, writing biology papers, you know things of that nature

yet i am not

alright.. time to swing low

first thing is first...

i'm exhausted from day 2 of the week... school is so demanding but to keep on top of it is a whole another demand, but dont worry.. i got it

it was game 2 of the playoffs, which i followed the the sun and blazers from day one through my phone but the playoffs actually get watched, every game! so far the score is 1-1, in case you were dying to know!!

lately i've been alone, all alone. it doesnt bug me and i am not dying for companionship, however i'm not ruling anything out. and hell i could have someone if i wanted... but no one would be you and i want you and fuck.. i just can't have you... it's weird how things fall into place and sometimes everything is alright and the next day is even better but then there are times when you wait and want and your lap eventually gets a big pile of shit when it is all said and done.

i'm 21, well i'm 20 years, 11 months, 2 weeks and 3 days old. i feel as if i'm see the world differently then most people. i dont have this whole life things figured out, i dont think i'm suppose to but i know i get bored easily, i dont really like challenges but i enjoy risks...

hour has come for the tides of change

i can't think to hard about what i am going to write i must just write at all costs to get my mind working and in motion. my mind has been here and there lately and i can not seem to get a firm grasp on the reality around me. i am falling further away as the truth is even further and these damn subtle hints from you drive me crazy.... but this is it... this is right... how can it not be?

you know you get those feelings and when shit hits the roof and it is gone you take a moment to look back on the situation and then you have one of those brilliant AHA! moments, it is then when the light around you is brighter than ever, and you can see through the shame that it all just wasn't right... it just wasn't it..

well this isn't like that, this is different, this is it. for me anyways....


this month my color is purple... it's purple too.

new scandal with a buffalo

it's hard to tell if someone can turn writing ability on and off, in this case i'm hoping to turn something on. i just got back from a 9 days vacation of sitting on a leather couch in a cluttered yet artistic original triplex with my a girl i get along with so well it is as if we share the same mind, we actually share the same name. as i was there breathing in the portland gloom it felt weird and surreal to be there once again. i drove down roads thinking about the last time i had been on these roads and streets. i hugged people that brought me back to a different place in my life, but it all felt good. i feel like i ran away from some of these people and seeing them again is small comfort.

at one point i sat by the fireplace on a wooden stool with no back rest, i made a fire. i watched this fire rise and i watched it lose flame and ash down but i'd never let it die. one more piece of wood. just one more. but eventually i will have to leave this stool and focus my energy on another subject. someone can only linger around a uncertain fire for so long, keeping the fire alive makes no different on how long the spark will last but it makes me weak. the wood will burn black and the flame will snap out and finally the red glow of the ashes will fade away. the ending result is a empty dirty fire pit just ready to dusted off and start again.

but i really liked this fire